Here is a MSTing I created in reply to the latest spamming. With my own fanfic charachers as MSTers ----- >A while back, Steve: (HAIRBALL0420) Well, actually quite some time. Flora: (HAIRBALL0420) Well, actually a long time ago. Mercy: (HAIRBALL0420) Well, actually before the creation of mankind. > I was browsing these newsgroups, Flora: (HAIRBALL0420) THESE newsgroups, not THOSE newsgroups, mind you. Steve: I didn't know there was Internet before the creation of mankind. > just like you are now, Flora: No where not. We are thinking up nasty comments in reply to your sin. > and came across an article similar to this that said Steve: Everyone who reads this is stupid! >you could make thousands of CASH within weeks with only an initial investment of $6.00 plus stamps! Mercy: But only if you are smart enough not to fall for this junk. > So I thought, "Yeah, >right, this must be a scam!" Flora: You where right. > But like most of us I was curious and kept reading. Mercy: Unlike most of us however, you believed it. > It said that if you send $1.00 to each of >the 6 names and addresses listed in the article, you could make thousands in a very short period of time. Mercy: Too much trouble, I'd rather seduce men and steal their wallet. > You then place >your own name and address at the bottom of the list at #6, Steve: (Fat Cat) I don't care! I belong on #1! Flora: Even Fat Cat hates this article. This doesn't look good for HAIRBALL0420. > and post the article to at least 300 newsgroups. Mercy: See? It's not worth your time. > (There are >about 32,000 of them out there and that's quite a large market pool). Flora: I'd rather go to the swimming pool, at least there you have fun. Steve: Yeah, and has such a scenic outlook. > No catch, that was it. Mercy: You won't see your money back either. > Even though the investment >was Flora: (HAIRBALL0420) To high for me. > a measly $6, I had three questions that needed to be answered before I could get involved in this sort of thing. Steve: What is the capital of Rome? Flora: What weights more? Ten kilogram steel or ten kilogram feathers? Mercy: How Long is a chinese. >1. IS THIS REALLY LEGAL? Steve: Of course not! > I called a lawyer first. The lawyer was a little sceptical that I would actually make any CASH Flora: Instead of TRASH. >but he said it WAS LEGAL Mercy: Emphasis on 'WAS'. > if I wanted to try it. Steve: So if you wanted to try it it 'WAS' legal. Now what would happen if I tried it? Would it be illegal? > I told him it sounded a lot like a chain letter but the details of the >system (SEE BELOW) (Everyone looks up) > actually made it a legitimate legal business. Flora: Just like my boyfriend's night club? Steve: If this thing is legal I think I don't want to be legal anymore. Flora: Don't worry sweaty, this stuff isn't legal anyway. >2. IS OK WITH THE POST OFFICE OR IS IT MAIL FRAUD? Mercy: Decide for yourself. Steve & Flora: MAIL FRAUD! > I called them: 1-800-725-2161 and Mercy: (HAIRBALL0420) My call was answered by the Norwegian embassy. > they confirmed THIS IS ABSOLUTELY >LEGAL! Mercy: But also ABSOLUTELY STUPID! Steve: Why does this guy shout so much? > (See 18, h sections1302 NS 1341 of Postal Lottery Laws). All: NO, we won't! > This clarifies the program of collecting names and >addresses for a mailing list. Steve: What does that has to do with spam? >3. IS IT RIGHT? Flora: Extreme right wing. Steve: Pim Fortune, Jan Maat, the list goes on. Mercy: I don't think I want anything to do with these guys. > Well, everyone who sends me a buck Steve: (HAIRBALL0420) Won't get anything back from me! > has a good chance of getting A LOT of CASH ... a much better chance >than buying a lottery ticket!!! Flora: Buying a lottery ticket isn't that difficult! Steve: And the chances of winning something in the lottery are higher than the chances that you get money out of this deal. >So, having these questions answered, I invested EXACTLY $7.92 Flora: That's almost two dollard more than the title says, filthy lier! > ... six $1.00 bills and six 32 cent postage stamps ... Steve: What happened to the remaining $6.60? > and >boy am I glad I did!!! Within 7 days, I started getting CASH in the mail! Flora: Instead of the trash you usually get by mail. > I was shocked! Steve: That will teach you not to mess with Sparky! > I figured it would end soon and Mercy: (HAIRBALL0420) That all my income would be taxed. >didn't give it another thought. But the CASH continued coming in. Steve: (HAIRBALL0420) So fast that soon my house was flooded with envelopes and then aliens beamed it up and Joseph Stalin send his elite guard after me! Flora: That'll teach ya! > In my first week I made between $20 to $30. By the end of Flora: (HAIRBALL0420) My life I'll surely regret this! >the second week I had a made a total of $1,000.00. In the third week I had over $10,000.00 and it was still growing. Steve: Money doesn't grow on trees! Mercy: Tell that to HAIRBALL0420. > This >is now my fourth week and I have made a total of just over $42,000 and it's still coming in Mercy: (HAIRBALL0420) The only problem is that the Maffia will kill me if I spend it. > ..... It's certainly worth >$6.00 and 6 stamps !!! Steve: And your good reputation. Flora: And your friends. Mercy: And your soul. >Also, make sure you print a copy of this article NOW, All: NO! > so you can get the information off of it as you need it. Steve: I don't need this junk, now leave us alone! > I promise >you Mercy: A swift death. Flora: I knew he wouldn't listen to you Steve. Steve: What did I do to deserve this? > that if you follow the directions exactly, Flora: You'll reach Sesam Street before you know it. > that you will start making more CASH than you thought possible by doing >something so easy! Steve: But illegal. Mercy: And dirty. Flora: And stupid. Suggestion: Steve: (HAIRBALL0420) Don't believe anything I said. > Read this entire message carefully! (print it out or download it.) Follow the simple directions and watch the Steve: Inhabitants of Sesam Street walk around in front of you. Flora: The Teletubbies dance around. Mercy: Micheal Eisner being executed. >CASH come in! It's easy. It's legal. Steve: And a mirage. > And, your investment is only $6.00 (Plus postage) Flora: That's to much for something as pathetic as this. IMPORTANT: This is not a rip-off; it is not indecent; it is not illegal; and it is virtually no risk - it really works!!!! Steve: But it is also fake. >If all of the following instructions are adhered to, you will receive extraordinary dividends. Flora: (HAIRBALL0420) But not because of this deal. >PLEASE NOTE: Please follow these directions EXACTLY, and $50,000 or more can be yours in 20 to 60 days. Mercy: Yeah, sure. Here are my instructions. If you want money you should: -Not believe this -Get a life -Get a job -Seduce men, just like me Steve: (sarcastic) Thank you Mercy, that really works out for me! > This program >remains successful because of the honesty and integrity of the participants. Flora: (HAIRBALL0420) Their feeble minds just don't understand that they are taken advantage off. > Please continue its success by carefully >adhering to the instructions. You will now become part of the Mail Order business. In this business your product is Steve: Your reputation, money, soul. > not >solid and tangible, it's a service. Mercy: You know what a service is? Eliminating all spammers, that's a service! > You are in the business of Flora: (HAIRBALL0420) Something that is looked down upon by intelligent persons. > developing Mailing Lists. Many large corporations are happy Steve: (HAIRBALL0420) They have spam filters. >to pay big bucks for quality lists. Flora: That's why they ignore this scam spam. > However, the CASH made from the mailing lists is secondary to the income which is made >from people like you and me asking to be included in that list. Flora: (HAIRBALL0420) Which means all profit goes to me. Here are the 4 easy steps to success: Steve: Charge entry fees, stock up, hire employees and watch the cash come in. Flora: Practice under the shower, care about your looks, get enough rest and add emotion to your singing. Mercy: Invite men over to your table, flirt with them, make them nervous and grab their wallet when their are in trance. > STEP 1: Get 6 separate pieces of paper and write the following on each piece of paper Steve: "I fell for spam scam, please help me!" >"PLEASE PUT ME ON YOUR MAILING LIST." Now get 6 US $1.00 bills and place ONE inside EACH of the 6 pieces of paper so the >bill will not be seen through the envelope (to prevent thievery). (sniggering) Steve: Look who's saying. > Place one paper in each of the 6 envelopes and seal them. Flora: You just sealed your fate as Navy Seals will now rush your appartment and put you to death so they can seal your tomb. >You should now have 6 sealed envelopes, each with Steve: Diving gear, C4 charges and rifles. Mercy: I got plenty of those. Maybe I shouldn't choose men in uniform all the time. > a piece of paper stating the above phrase, your name and address, Steve: (HAIRBALL0420) So that our hit squad knows where to go. > and a >$1.00 bill. Flora: By this time the victim realises how dumb he was and cancels the deal. > What you are doing is creating a service. THIS IS ABSOLUTELY LEGAL! You are requesting a legitimate service and Steve: (HAIRBALL0420) You'll get one! Boys... >you are paying for it! Flora: (HAIRBALL0420) You are paying for your own execution. And you don't even mind! > Like most of us I was a little skeptical and a little worried about the legal aspects of it all. So >I checked it out with the U.S. Post Office (1-800-725-2161) Steve: Now he start all over again. > and they confirmed that it is indeed legal! Flora: We told you it's not! Now buzz off! > Mail the 6 >envelopes to the following addresses: Steve: (HAIRBALL0420) HAIRBALL0420, HAIRBALL0420, HAIRBALL0420, HAIRBALL0420, HAIRBALL0420, HAIRBALL0420. Now I got $6.00 and You got nothing! >1) Miriam Huang 30 Kimbark Crescent Markham, Ontario l3r8p6 Canada >2) Matthew Gargano, Kemmiss St Eton, Qld 4741 Australia >3) Roger Theasaure, 21416 Mayan Dr. Chatsworth, CA 91311 >4) Brian Halterman, 14348 Maple Ridge Rd. Milford Center, OH 43045 >5) Wes Ellwood, 9714 Overbrook Rd. Leawood, KS 66206 >6) Jason Stone, 821 w. 12th ave. Oshkosh, WI 54902 Flora: (HAIRBALL0420) They will know they got another job to do and soon you'll meet them in person... >STEP 2: Now take the #1 name off the list that you see above, move the other names up (6 becomes 5, 5 becomes 4, etc...) and >add YOUR Name as number 6 on the list. Mercy: Congratulations! Now the entire world knows you are an idiot. >STEP 3: Change anything you need to, but try to keep this article as close to original as possible. Steve: (HAIRBALL0420) Or else the cops will notice and...Uhoh, forget that last part. > Now, post your amended >article Flora: We are supposed to mail you the US law? Steve: It's about time he learned it. > to at least 300 newsgroups. (I think Mercy: No you don't! > there are close to 32,000 groups) All you need is 300, but remember, the more >you post, Flora: The more people will know how stupid you are. > the more CASH you make! This is perfectly legal! Mercy: How many times do we have to tell you that it's not!? > If you have any doubts, Steve: Which you will surely have after this guy implied for hundred times it's legal. > refer to 18 Sec. 1302 & 1341 of the >Postal lottery laws. Mercy: (HAIRBALL0420) They have nothing to do with this but do it anyway. > Keep a copy of these steps for yourself and, whenever you need CASH, you can use it again, and again. Steve: Proving time and again that you are a moron. PLEASE REMEMBER that this program remains successful because of the honesty and integrity of the Flora: Suckers that actually believe this scam. > participants and by their >carefully adhering to the directions. Steve: The same ones that lead you to Teletubby land, Sesam Street and Eisner's execution? > Look at it this way. Flora: (HAIRBALL0420) If you believe this you are already an idiot. So why not let the entire world know it? > If you are a person of integrity, the program will continue Mercy: If you are a person of intelligence you won't fall for this. > and >the CASH that so many others have received will come your way. Flora: (HAIRBALL0420) After you survive my horde of gangsters. > (Also, it might be a good idea to wrap the $1 bill in dark >paper to reduce the risk of mail theft.) Steve: It doesn't protect it from spam theft though. > So, as each post is downloaded and the directions carefully followed, six members >will be reimbursed for their participation as a List Developer with one dollar each. Flora: Six members? That is six to many! > Your name Mercy: Is from then on forbidden to be spoken in public. > will move up the list >geometrically so that when your name reaches the #1 position you will be receiving thousands of CASH in CASH!!! Steve: Not envelopes. > What an >opportunity for only $6.00 Steve: And...Forget it, this is getting old. > ($1.00 for each of the first six people listed above) Send it now, Flora: (HAIRBALL0420) Or feel my wrath! > add your own name to the >list and you're in business! Mercy: No, you'll be in the looney bin for sure! ---DIRECTIONS ----- FOR HOW TO POST TO NEWSGROUPS Steve: Ah man, won't this guy ever shut up? Step 1) You do not need to re-type this entire letter Flora: It would be a waste of time anyway. > to do your own posting. Simply put your cursor at the beginning of >this letter Steve: Then please reconsider this deal. > and drag your cursor to the bottom of this letter, and select 'copy' from the edit menu. This will copy the >entire letter into the computer's memory. Mercy: Even more waste of hard disc space. >Step 2) Open a blank 'notepad' file and place your cursor at the top of the blank page. From the 'edit' menu select 'paste'. Mercy: And then...Sorry guys, this was supposed to be a funny comment, better luck next time. Steve: I know one: Your computer will freeze and smoke will be coming from your monitor. >This will paste a copy of the letter into notepad so that you can add your name to the list. Flora: The person that gets this far is smart enough not to fall for this so why bother HAIRBALL0420? >Step 3) Save your new notepad file as a .txt file. If you want to do your postings in different settings, you'll always have >this file to go back to. Mercy: (HAIRBALL0420) Not that you want to but you got it anyway. >Step 4) Use Netscape or Internet explorer and try searching for various newsgroups (on-line forums, message boards, chat >sites, discussions.) Steve: Yeah yeah, there are thousands. So why did it have to be the Acorn Cafe? >Step 5) Visit these message boards and post this article as a new message by highlighting the text of this letter and >selecting paste from the edit menu. Fill in the Subject, this will be the header that everyone sees as they scroll through >the list of postings in a particular group, Flora: And make mental notes to beat you up when they got some spare time. > click the post message button. You're done with your first one! Congratulations. Steve: People around the world will now hate you and MST your message. >..TH- - AT'S IT! Flora: One hun - - dred and eighty! > All you have to do is jump to different newsgroups and post away, Mercy: While the visitors on the board curse away. > after you get the hang of it, it will >take about 30 seconds for each newsgroup! Mercy: So that's thousands of enemies in only one minute. >**REMEMBER, THE MORE NEWSGROUPS YOU POST IN, Flora: The more enemies you make. > THE MORE CASH YOU WILL MAKE!! BUT YOU HAVE TO POST A MINIMUM OF 300** Steve: What if I don't? >That's it! Mercy: (HAIRBALL0420) Have fun angering the world! > You will begin receiving CASH from around the world within days! Flora: In your dreams. > You may eventually want to rent a P.O.Box due >to the large amount of mail you will receive. Steve: Each envelope contains at least one death treat. > If you wish to stay anonymous, you can invent a name to use, Steve: Like HAIRBALL0420. Flora: That explains it. First I thought he was just a nut but now I see he doesn't want the cops after him. > as long as the >postman will deliver it. Steve: The postman won't deliver it, end of discussion! > **JUST MAKE SURE ALL THE ADDRESSES ARE CORRECT.** Flora: (HAIRBALL0420) Or I'll get you! >Now the WHY part: Steve: No! Just shup up! I had enough of you! > Out of 300 postings, say I receive only 7 replies (a very low example). Flora: Correction: A very high example. > So then I made $7.00 with my >name at #6 on the letter. Now, each of the 7 persons who just sent me $1.00 make the MINIMUM 300 postings, each with my >name at #5 and only 7 persons respond to each of the 7 original 7, that is another $49.00 for me, now those 49 each make >300 MINIMUM posts with my name at #4 and only 7 replies each, I will bring in an additional $343.00! Now, those 343 persons >turn around and post the MINIMUM 300 with my name at #3 and only receive 7 replies each, I will make an additional $2401.00! >OK, now here is the fun part, each of those 2401 persons post a MINIMUM 300 letters with my name at #2 and they each only >receive 7 replies, that just made me $16,807.00!!! Those 16807 persons will all deliver this message to 300 newsgroups with >my name at #1 and if still 7 persons per 300 Newsgroups react I will receive $117,649.00! With an original investment of only >$6.00! And some stamps. AMAZING! (Snoring) > When your name is no longer on the list, you just take the latest posting in the >newsgroups, and send out another $6.00 to names on the list, putting your name at number 6 again. And start posting again. Flora: Making an even bigger fool of yourself. >The thing to remember is: do you realize that thousands of people all over the world are joining the internet and reading >these articles everyday? Mercy: Either HAIRBALL0420 thinks everyone on the internet is stupid or he switched topics while we were sleeping. > JUST LIKE YOU are now!! Steve: NO! WE ARE NOT READING YOU ARTICLE, WHERE FLAMING IT! > So, can you afford $6.00 and see if it really works?? Steve: Well, I can't afford six dollars, but it won't work anyway so why should I try it? > I think so... Steve: You don't think. >People have said, "what if the plan is played out and no one sends you the CASH? Flora: (HAIRBALL0420) It's the hard truth, but make me rich anyway. > So what! What are the chances of that >happening Mercy: Extremely high they are. > when there are tons of new honest users and new honest people who are joining the internet and newsgroups >everyday and are willing to give it a try? Steve: Those 'honest users'are called 'morons'. >Estimates are at 20,000 to 50,000 new users, every day, with thousands of those joining the actual internet. Flora: Does that mean there is also a fake Internet? >Remember, play FAIRLY and HONESTLY and this will really work. Mercy: In other words, this won't work. >** By the way, if you try to deceive people by posting the messages with your name in the list and not sending the CASH to >the rest of the people already on the list, you will NOT get as much. Flora: (HAIRBALL0420) I'll make sure of that filthy cheater! > Someone I talked to knew someone who did that and he Steve: (HAIRBALL0420) Had a very short livespan. >only made about $150.00, and that's after seven or eight weeks! Then he sent the 6 $1.00 bills, people added him to their >lists, and in 4-5 weeks he had over $10k. Mercy: Are you sure this was not someone who played by the rules? > This is the fairest and most honest way I have ever seen to share the wealth of >the world without costing anything but our time!!! Steve: If that's so, how come there are still third world countries? > Make sure you print this article out RIGHT NOW! Mercy: (HAIRBALL0420) Or I'll get you! > Also, try to keep a >list of everyone that sends you CASH and always keep an eye on the newsgroups to make sure everyone is playing fairly. Flora: No one who does this plays fairly so why bother? >Remember, HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY. Mercy: So don't do this! > You don't need to cheat the basic idea to make the CASH!! Steve: You just have to do this to be illegal. > GOOD LUCK to all and >please play fairly and reap the huge rewards from this, which is tons of extra CASH. Flora: No, tons of enemies. >"People have asked me if this is really legal. Flora: Does this guy ever shut up? > Well, it is! Steve: Deja Vu? > You are using the Internet to advertise your business. Steve: If I wanted to advertise my business I'd do it honest, not with this spam! > What is Mercy: (HAIRBALL0420) An high IQ? Can you eat that? >that business? Steve: No it's not. It's moronic, and gets old real fast. > You are creating a mailing list of people who are interested in home based computer and online business and >methods of generating income at home. Steve: I generate income at home, and that without your spam! So there! > Remember, people send you a small fee to be added to your mailing list. It is legal. Mercy: One thing is certain: this guy doesn't know the difference between 'legal' and 'illegal'. >what will you do with your list of thousands of names? That's up to you." Steve: Ignore him ladies, he's trying to lure us out. > So, build your mailing list, keep good accounts. Flora: And don't forget to pay your lawyer. >Keep an eye on the newsgroups and when the cash has stopped coming Mercy: (HAIRBALL0420) Which for some reason happens right after your first envelope with money. > (that means your name is no longer on the list), Flora: The list had enough of you. Steve: And I have enough of this spammer. > you just >take the latest posting at the newsgroups, send another $6.00 to the names stated on the list, make your corrections (put >your name at #6) and start posting again. Steve: (HAIRBALL0420) Provided you are still as gullible as before your first post. >***ALSO REMEMBER*** SEND YOUR $1 OUT TO EVERYONE ON THE LIST, EVEN IF THEY ARE NOT FROM THE U.S. Steve: With an exception for Canada, Australia, Japan, England, France, Germany, Austria, Russia, Sweden, Spain, Mexico, China, Egypt, Portugal, Italy, Greek, Turkey, Switserland, Belgium, Holland, Ukraine... >WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR??? Flora: For you to stop shouting! > $$$!!!$$$!!!$$$!!!$$- - $!!!$$$!!!$$$!!!$$$!- - !!$$$!!!$$$!!! Mercy: Translation from dollarian language: We are as illegal as heck! Please arrest us! >GOOD LUCK!!! Steve: Bite me. Mercy: Hey, It looks like he finally stopped! Steve: Thank heavens. Flora: It's about time. Disclaimer: Any characher or show revered to in this MSTing is copyrighted by it's owning company. Flora, Steve and Mercy are my own creations. This is not a personal attack on HAiRBALL0420, but a warning to those who spam on the Acorn Cafe.