Happy Ranger Friends



in...The Blessed Day



Featuring:


Chip "Splendid" Maplewood

Dale "Nutty" Oakmont

Gadget "Handy" Hackwrench

Dee "Flippy" Hawkfeather



[Scene: A hall full with friends and aquaintances of Dee and the Rangers. Dee and Chip are standing before a Seneca official
as bride and groom. Dale is the best man and Gadget is bride's maid.]

Minister: ...and will you, Doohickey Hawkfeather, take Chip Maplewood to be your legal husband? Through better or worse, 
          remaining loyal to him until death parts you?

Dee: I do.

[The minister reads through his booklet but is disappointed.]

Minister: This book really doesn't mention anything about Seneca marriage tradition. Is there even such a thing? ...Ah well,
          I know what a marriage comes down to. So without further ado I hereby pronounce you husband and wife. You may now
          sass your wife.

Chip: Woman, you are now my wife. Get me my shoes.

[Close-up of Dee's face. She appears shocked. War rages through her mind. Her eyes go big and wide before they get an 
unnatural color. Post Romantic Stress Syndrome takes over. From her dress she produces a combat knife which she plunges into
Chip's chest. Splatters of red squirt out uncontrolled.]

Chip: Aaaaaahh! I'm ketchup'ing!

[Chip quickly gets a white face and faint over dead.]

[Dee takes the book from the Seneca minister who is shocked. She pulls his mouth wide open, shoves the book down his throat 
and slams his mouth shut. The minister proceeds to grab his throat and starts coughing.]

Minister: Gah! *cough* choked on *cough* Seventh Commandmend *gasp* *cough*!

[The ministers drops to the floor out of breath, completely lifeless except for the occasional twitch.]

[Dee jerks on Gadget's tail hard and she shrieks. She then winds the tail around Gadget's throat several times and ties a 
strong knot in it. While Gadget gasps her face turns blue and eventually purple until she to collapses.]

Dale: Yikes!

[Dale grabs a handgrenade from his pocket to stop the insane bride. When Dee notices, she rips off her dress, revealing 
she's dressed up in bullet belts, bomb satchels, holstered guns and more military material than Dale can muster. She laughs
maniacally. Regardless, Dale pulls out the pin of his grenade and throws it in Dee's face. It would have bounced off 
harmlessly if her mouth wasn't wide open. Now Dee starts to choke and cough, flailing her arms panically and pointing at her
mouth.]

[Across the border two Royal Canadian Mounted Policemen are keeping a vigilant watch over the borders, ready for the 
barbarian invasion. From their lookout tower the scan the landscape with binoculars. Suddenly one sees a mushroom cloud 
arise from the forest on the other side of the border. He taps the shoulder of his companion and points.]

Henry: I say, those Americans sure are crazy, what you Francois?

Francois: C'est, 'enri.



The End



Say 'no' to the Marriage Defense Act